World Suicide Prevention Day

Today, September 10, 2012 is World Suicide Prevention Day. My twitter feed was rather overwhelmed with 140 character statements of hope. But this does hold some very personal sway for me.

In 2007 I attempted suicide twice over the Thanksgiving holiday. My life was a wreck, you could check off every cliche in the book. Problems at home, family, school, friends, church, etc. etc. etc. I had just lost my grandpa and had a huge fight with my family. After hanging up, I called my friend and told him goodbye. I was about to get in my car and drive off...a cliff. Figuratively and perhaps literally. Luckily my friend intercepted me on my way out. This was after 11pm and within 15 minutes a crew of 6 or 7 friends gathered and stopped me and helped me get through the night. I was feeling better but still drained and on edge. Monday I went to work and was told for the second time in three days that I was an utter failure. Thankfully I had promised to call a good friend if I felt suicidal again. I called her up, she rushed from work, called the cops and took me to the hospital. I spent a week in in-patient psychiatric care on suicide watch. If you don't know what that means, you are locked in a small portion of the hospital. There is a rec. room and 6 or 8 bedrooms. They take EVERYTHING from you. They take your phone, your belt, your shoelaces, and more. You can't use the bathroom without permission and supervision though they do allow some privacy. You wake up and eat hospital food, participate in group therapy, meet with a doctor, work with volunteers, meet with a therapist, eat some more hospital food and watch a movie. You are given very limited communication with the outside world and you meet some incredible people dealing with all kinds of issues and disabilities.

It was the hardest week of my life, but also one of the best. I was able to finally relax. I felt safe. I felt protected and meeting others, especially one volunteer, I felt loved. When I was finally allowed and felt comfortable leaving, I realized that my life had to change.

There is a great campaign called The Trevor Project. It was created to offer hope for teenagers and others in the GLBTQ community, but really can and does stretch beyond hoping to help anyone contemplating suicide. They have a very aggressive YouTube campaign called "It Get's Better" where celebrities both straight and gay come together to talk about how life DOES get better and 'you' are important and others are impacted positively by your influence in their lives.

Spending time in the hospital helped to reset my emotional/mental strata. But, I wouldn't have been successful in the long run if I hadn't been blessed with friends who gathered around and continued to support me and love me. Personally it required a huge amount of self-control to avoid the traps and hazards I'd been letting myself fall into leading up to the attempts.

My life in the last 5 years hasn't always felt better. But for the first time, with my upcoming move to San Antonio, I really feel like life it getting better and I have a sustainable future in this world of ours. But you've gotta have faith. You can always change your mind about what you want to do with your life, but you can't change it once your dead.

If anyone is struggling, there are people that care for you. The Trevor Project: 1-866-488-7386. The Hope Line: 1-800-394-4673 or 1-800-273-8255. The Crisis Hotline (888) 333-2377.

I've been there. Other people have been there and we've made it out to see the light and you can too. Have hope, reach out, get help and stay alive.